You can pick your Friends, your Nose but not your Family
by Diclonious57
Summary: Here is the adventures of a family of nobodies called Organization XIII, the may not have hearts but they do have a family even if that family is weird (but who's family isn't honestly). Rated T for language and situations
1. Dinner Time

**You can Pick your Friends, your Nose but not your Family**

**Chapter 1: Dinner Time**

**Irish: It's been a while, I wanted to get back into it but college, life and motivation has been slowing me down and I have another fic that I should work on but I'm on a mission!**

**Irish: This was a request by Bighead98**

**Irish: I don't own Kingdom Hearts because if I did it wouldn't be nearly as good.**

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Xemnas had strange ideas at times,

When he wasn't trying to complete the Kingdom Hearts he oddly enough had time for other hobbies, is that so weird?

Nobodies can have hobbies,

Luxord likes to gamble, Zexion likes to read (and Spanish soap operas), Saix and Marluxia really like Zanarkand Abes blitzball team, Vexen does whatever he does in his creepy lab and the trio go sit on that clock tower and slowly get type two diabetes from all the damn ice cream they eat.

What did Xemnas like to do when he wasn't trying to send the world into darkness?

He liked to cook.

Yeah, he liked to make human food, nobodies do not need food for survival but they like to eat (makes them feel human). How you might ask? Well Xemnas does go on missions sometimes (very rarely) and on one occasion he saw something in the window of a house.

It was a woman running around making food in her kitchen, he knew that humans need to eat but he never knew how they made their food. It was interesting to watch her create something new from things you could not eat alone, creating a flower from pieces of dirt. He stood there in the shadows just watching her make a meal and when she was done he was going to leave but them

_Ding Bing_

The woman rang a bell and the thunderous sound of footsteps came from upstairs. Droves of children came down from upstairs. They were all different ages and genders but they had some similarities so he assumed they were children were siblings. Food went on the table and they attacked it like a bunch of starving animals but the thing that stuck with him was how happy the family looked, it was just food on a table how did it make them so happy?

What was the secret?

He had to find out.

Over the course of several weeks he began to practice cooking, he bought a cook book, bought all of the ingredients then realized that they didn't have a kitchen so had to make one. He made all of the dishes most of them came out burnt but after several attempts he had recreated the meal the mother had made.

Now for the test.

He had offered the members to "come to dinner" but they refused (why would they? They don't need to eat.) So he decided to order them all down to a large table he acquired under the guise of a meeting. All thirteen of them came down and sat at the table, confused at what they saw.

It was a dinner table with forks, knives and food that look eatable. There was a turkey, green beans, mashed potatoes and fruit pie of some kind. But they were confused as to why the hell Xemnas did all this? Was it some kind of test or was he just going mad?

Not wanting to get in trouble they all sat down and stared at their plates wide eyed and shocked.

"Eat"

He commanded but no one did, they just stared at the food like it was some mutated creature like a unicorn with octopus tentacles. It went on for several minutes before Xemnas began to feel a pain, it couldn't be emotion because nobodies couldn't feel but it was a pain in the heart, maybe a memory of an emotion perhaps? This would confuse him if the pain didn't bother him so much so he repeated himself (he hated to do that).

"Eat"

Everyone made a strange noises, either touching their face awkwardly or making strange grunting noises, they were hiding something from him"

"What is it?"

Roxas was the one to speak first.

"Well um It's just that well I-"

He stopped mid way as Xion tapped his shoulder lightly telling him to be quiet. She whispered something to him that Xemnas couldn't make out he only heard feeling and you'll. He looked for Saix for an answer but apparently found the wall the be extremely fascinating at that moment. Demyx opened his mouth to say something but one look from Larxene quickly shut him up. Xemnas was going to demand that they tell him what they were trying to say.

_Bang!_

Axel slammed his fist on the table in frustration.

"Your cooking sucks, man"

Demyx sighed in relief whispering a soft thank you.

Everyone looked at him like just started to make out with a heartless.

Both Xion and Roxas yelled, "Axel!" They had agreed that they wouldn't say anything.

"What? Everyone else was thinking it!"

"We agreed that we wouldn't say anything"

Zexion said softly trying not to be caught reading under the table.

Little did Xemnas know that while he was practicing cooking all of the organization came at random times in the kitchen to taste his food which lead them to an impromptu meeting coming to agreeing that they would never tell Xemnas about how much his cooking suck ass, _ever_.

"Yeah but that was before I knew we had to eat it!"

Xemnas thought they were being ridiculous he tasted his food and it tasted fine, they were just being over dramatic.

"It tastes fine"

He said shutting everyone up for a few moments.

"You haven't eaten food before"

Said Lexaeus speaking for the third time this month.

It made sense; everyone else had eaten food at one time or another so they knew what was good and what was not. Xemnas had never eaten food so food no matter how terrible tasted fine to hum because he had nothing else to compare it to!

"Maybe we could order take-out?"

Xion suggested and apparently everyone else thought it was the greatest idea about anything and everything ever.

So they got take-out it wasn't the best food ever but it was gourmet compared to the crap they were just about to eat. They all sat on the couch Axel and Demyx found on the side of the road and watched a blitzball game. Xemnas noticed that the other members conversing with one another had similar expressions that the children had at the dinner table, the pain in his chest went away and was replaced with something warm. Before he could think about it a box of take-out was shoved into his hands demanding that he eat it, this gave Xemnas the idea about what decent food tasted like so maybe

Just maybe

He would make a decent meal

With practice

And time

So like in a couple years

Maybe

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**Irish: SO? How was it?**

**Axel: Crap**

**Irish: I'm not asking you! So the next chapter might be a while because school loves to make sure I have no free time. RATE AND REVIEW!**


	2. Girl's night

**You can Pick your Friends, your Nose but not your Family**

**Chapter 2: Girl's night**

**Irish: I'm back still looking for employment but I'm back. It was honestly hard to think of what to do next, I had an idea for this one I just didn't know what to do with it.**

**Irish: I forgot to mention last chapter was actual a true story-sort of. That's enough junk for now let's get it on!**

**Irish: I don't own KH**

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It was a lovely Friday night at the Twilight Town mall. School was out and the hot new summer movie was playing. There were young people everywhere, shopping, conversing, and trying to steal random key-chains.

But one person was not having fun.

By the pretzel stand was a young blond woman, wearing a Pikachu T-shirt and worn out jeans. She would have been called pretty if it wasn't for the scowl on her face and eyes that screamed, "Touch me and I stab you".

Larxene didn't want to be here.

She didn't mind the mall; she enjoyed some stores and the occasional soft pretzel. It was the person she was with, that made her so angry.

Standing across from her talking to some random person dressed in a sweet powder blue dress was the ever-gentle Xion the newest member of the Organization.

Larxene did not like Xion.

Many of the organization members thought that Larxene did not like Xion because she was stepping on her territory of being the only girl on the team. That wasn't true, Larxene didn't care if there was another girl on the team she had her own reasons for disliking Xion.

She was too freaking nice.

That girl was such a goodie-two-shoes it drove Larxene nuts! She was always kind and gentle in every situation. She never got angry or annoyed. She was just too perfect and Larxene hated that because she would be compared with Xion.

It hadn't happened yet but she knew that one day everyone will be like, why can't you be nice like Xion? Why can't you take a joke like Xion? Why aren't you more like Xion? She tried to be nice but she has a limit on how nice she can be.

It just wasn't fair.

So the leader and all his infinite wisdom decide that the best way for the two girls to get along is for them to spend a night at the mall.

That man needs to get out more.

They were forced out of the palace and were ordered to spend at least four hours "bonding". Larxene decided that a movie would be the best way to kill time without her having to interact with Xion at all. The movie was long but not long enough; it was only two hours so they now had to "interact" with one another.

Xion was talking to some girls around their age. The girls had thick long hair and despite not being out of their early teens wearing high heels. They seemed to be happily conversing but then Larxene listened closer.

"My you must take such good care of your clothes, that dress went out of style years ago"

"Your hair is so bouncy how do you get it to stick up in every direction"

"Did your baby sibling do your nails they did such a good job"

They were insulting her and worst of all in that snooty way that made it sound like a compliment. Xion just seemed to smile and thank them. Did she not realize that they were making fun of her? Did she not care-no Larxene could see the strain on her face. She looked like she was about to break down and cry at any minute.

It was too painful to watch she had to do something.

She walked right up to those snarky bitches looked them dead in the eye and said.

"Hey chalky bitches don't be talking shit about her just because your herpes is acting up."

The leader of the girls gasped and covered a corner of her mouth; Larxene was just being mean but-wow.

"Yeah we can see! We all can see it!"

She shouted making animated gestures so that everyone in the mall was paying attention to her. So everyone one would see the can of verbal murder she was about to whip out.

And the reason that your friends and I say that term loosely is because loser #1 is too busy making sure the tissues don't fall out of her bra and the other is too busy _picking her nose_."

Xion was trying to say something but she just tuned her out. The three girls seemed to shrink before her; like a predator pissing off a bigger larger predator. Three little raptors just pissed off the T-Rex and they were going to get it.

"Look at you! You look like cheap prostitutes, so dirty that even the creepy guys who skulk around the mall to pick high school girls don't even want to touch you."

Larxene made a face like she suddenly teleported herself to a dairy farm.

"Lord do you bathe in perfume? What's it called Basic by ratchetity ass-hoe"

She could go all day with this but she had to wrap this up.

"Now I want you take your cheap hooker heels, go home and cry to mommy when she actually pays attention to you. Come Xion lets get out of here".

She led the small girl away from the now sniveling trio. They got into the large department store at the end of the mall before confronting her.

"Why didn't you stand up for yourself?"

Xion gave the same look she gave those girls.

"I don't know"

"What you mean-"

Then it hit her, it finally occurred to Larxene why everyone was comparing her to Xion. It wasn't that Xion was some perfect girl it was that she was too much of a pushover to stand up for herself. She didn't voice her opinions so Xion just came out as super nice.

"You don't know how to say no do you?"

Xion looked ashamed staring at her shoes with great interests. Larxene was right Xion didn't know how to say no. Something inside of her said yes to everything and to just smile at whatever hurtful things were thrown at her. She always admired the way Larxene wasn't afraid to stand up for herself and to say what she really felt.

"Yeah"

She thought Larxene was going to yell at her but she blond just sighed and ran her hands from her slicked back hair.

"We got a while before we have to go back I might as well give you a few pointers. You better write these down because I'm going to test you on this next week!"

Xion smiled brightly.

"Alright"


End file.
